Accepting Help

Accepting help from others has always been a struggle for me.  For years I had a system of refusing help when somebody would offer.  I would decline the proffered assistance multiple times and then, if the person still insisted on helping, I would finally accept the help.  In the early years of my marriage, I remember trying to explain my craziness to my husband.  I would insist that it was impolite to accept an offer of help on the first offer.  My husband tried to explain that when people offer to help, they sincerely want to help.  I insisted that they might just been trying to be nice and it was taking advantage of them to accept.  (Crazy, I know!)  

Over the years, his influence has helped me to be more accepting of help.  However, in the past year I have had to rely on help from others more often than I would like.  I feel grateful for so many people around me that are more than willing to assist me and my family with so many of our needs.  These people never seem to tire of giving service. Yet sometimes I feel frustration that I am in need of so much assistance.  I feel like one of my daughters when she was 2 years old.  The first phrase she uttered was, "I do it myself."  Most of her two-year-old tantrums were because she wanted me to let her do something on her own.  Sometimes I feel like a tantruming two-year-old: I want to do it myself.  

However, I think of when that daughter was two-years-old.  She wanted to do things like use a knife and reach things up on top of the refrigerator (both of which I found her doing on more than one occasion).  She wanted to buckle her own carseat buckle and tie her shoes.  Somethings (like when I found her on the kitchen counter cutting and orange!) were not safe for her to do herself, even if she was capable.  Other things she just didn't have the capability to do on her own.  She needed help. And so do I.

I believe that God wants us to accept help from Him and from others.  In reality, He is helping us everyday, so we need to acknowledge the help He is giving.  But He also wants us to ask for help.
In the book of Hebrews, Paul invites us to ask for this divine help. 

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

Sometimes I ask for help in prayer and then when somebody offers the exact thing I need, I feel reluctant to accept!  Here I am, witnessing a miracle as I ask for help to get something done and somebody is inspired to offer the exact service I need, yet I still fall back into my old habits of being uncomfortable accepting help.  

As with anything new that we are trying to master, practice will help us improve.  I am in a time in my life,when I am getting a lot of practice in accepting help.  Hopefully, with practice I can learn the humility required to accept help from others.  Hopefully, I can also learn to better accept the help that my Savior offers me.  He extends His arm of love and mercy to me daily and often His help comes through another.  I am grateful for the opportunity I have to see how dependent I am on my Father in Heaven.  He has been directing my footsteps and helping me my entire life.  But now, where I have such diminished capacity, it helps me to realize how much I need his amazing grace.

More Than Enough

This morning I was reading the story in the Bible when Jesus Christ feeds 5,000 people.  It is a story that I have known for a long time and I think that sometimes I take this miraculous story for granted.  Feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish is miraculous.  The part of the story that I love the most is that when every one of those 5,000 people were filled, there were still twelve baskets full of food, which was still more than they had in the beginning.  He provided for His followers needs with overflowing abundance.

"And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full." Matthew 14:20

When Christ tells us that He will take care of our needs, He will.  When he promises that he will bear us up and sustain us, He will.  When He says He will make a bounteous feast from our meager offering, He will.

I have prayed countless times to be healed.  I have prayed to be able to do many of things that I used to be able to do with ease.  While I have not found instant relief from my physical ailments, I have had miraculous answers to my prayers.  God has provided me with the help I have needed, even if I have not been able to do those things myself.

I lost the ability to drive my kids to school, practices and lessons.  I lost the ability to cook for my family and grocery shop.  I lost the ability to take care of the basic needs of my family.  When I prayed for healing, I hoped that my prayers would be answered with my increased ability.  However, the answer came in the form of those that were willing to help me do those things I could no longer do myself.

Without fail, when I was trying to figure out how to get a child someplace, somebody would contact me and ask if any of my kids needed a ride.  When we didn't have dinner, countless people showed up on my doorstep with meals.  Time and time again people offered the needed help without being asked.

One week my husband had to leave town on business for the week .  Concerned about how we would function without him,  he prayed in faith that we would have all that we needed while he was away.  He was gone six days and during that time, six meals showed up at our house.  We had more food than we needed.  We were filled and still had extra abundance.  It was truly our personal miracle of the loaves and the fishes.  Most of those people that brought meals had no idea that my husband was away.  They simply followed an inspired thought to help.  That is how Christ performs many of His miracles; He inspires those that are willing to listen and act.

Jesus Christ truly provides for our spiritual and physical needs.  When we believe in Jesus Christ and trust in His promises, we are never left lacking.  He asks us to give him all that we have and He will make up the difference.  When we give Christ our meager loaves and fishes He will turn them into a bounteous feast.

Chronically ill

Chronic is not a happy word.  It can be used to describe a longterm illness, a recurring problem or a person with a bad habit.  The word chronic is never used to describe anything positive and combining the word chronic with ill is doubly depressing.

I have resisted those words whenever people have used them to describe me.  I feel that saying I have a chronic illness is giving up on the hope that I can improve.  Nobody wants to be sick forever.  

Admittedly, I have been sick for a long time and the best way to describe my health is to say that I have a chronic illness.  However, I believe that my health will improve despite the fact that I have a chronic illness.  I believe that there is hope, healing and happiness for me in my future.

In this new world of chronic illness, I have met a lot of other people with chronic illnesses. Being sick for a long time gives a lot of people reason to be discouraged.  I am new on this path, only having traveled it for a year and a half, and I have struggled with my fair share of discouragement.  However,  I have met people that have battled chronic illness for decades and I have been amazed at those that have hope and optimism.  These people believe that they have reason to be happy.  They believe that they can make a positive difference in their life and the lives of those around them.  These optimistic people have been an inspiration to me.

Instead of feeling angry at the path that their illness has put them on, they have accepted that path and have looked for ways to beautify that path. 

In the New Testament, Christ tells the scribes and Pharisees, "They that are whole have no need of a physician, but they that are sick."

The truth is that we all are in need of a physician because we are all sick.  You could say that when it comes to our spirituality, without the Savior we are all chronically ill.  We all need Christ because none of us are whole without Him.  Jesus Christ invites all of us to come unto Him and be healed.  

He promises, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

All of us are heavy laden in this life.  None of us escape the trials of life that weigh us down. Those struggles can be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.  Sometimes those struggles are obvious to those around us and sometimes they are hidden in our hearts.  However, we are all in need of the divine help, healing and rest that our Savior promises.  

Becoming chronically ill has opened my eyes to many truths.  One of the truths I have learned is the knowledge of how dependent I am on Jesus Christ.  Since I have been sick, I have had to rely on people around me to do the things that I can no longer do for myself.  I have also had to rely on my Savior on a daily basis to strengthen my heavy spirit.  I have learned that without Jesus Christ I truly am nothing.  However, the reality is that before I was sick I needed Christ just as much as I do now.  I never could carry my burdens alone. 

 He has always been beside me helping me with my heavy load.

Though I still don't like the term chronically ill, I find comfort in knowing that I have help carrying the weight of this illness.  That help will never cease.  Synonyms to chronic are words like constant, enduring and ceaseless.  Those words have a much more positive connotation than chronic and can all be used to describe my Savior's devotion to me.  

He is constant. His love is enduring. His aid is ceaseless.

I can also strive to apply these words to myself and my devotion to my Savior.  I can be constant in my discipleship, enduring in my faith and ceaseless in my prayers.

Blessings in Disguise

This has been a rough week.  I had several nights of poor sleep; nights that were restless as my sleep was interrupted by heart palpitations and muscle tremors.  Heart palpitations used to wake me up almost nightly, but I've had only a few in the past couple of months.  I thought I was done with them and it is so frustrating to feel like my health is regressing instead of improving.  When I can see improvements in my health it is easier to be optimistic, but when new symptoms appear or old ones reappear, I get so easily discouraged.  This week with the heart palpitations returning, the muscle tremors starting, and the lack of sleep from both of them, my mood was less than cheery.

Laying awake at 4:00am this morning, I was mentally listing all of the things that were making me miserable.  In the midst of my internal grumbling,  the chorus from a well loved song entered my head:
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You're near.
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

This song, "Blessings" by Laura Story,  is a beautiful tribute to a loving Father in Heaven.  The song testifies that God is watching out for us, especially when life is most difficult.  It reminds me that even when I feel forsaken, God is blessing me. In those early morning hours, I felt peace as the chorus to this song kept repeating in my mind.

In an interview on News Release Today with Kevin Davis, Laura Story shares her experiences when her husband was hospitalized with a brain tumor.  She talks about having trust in God and surrendering to His will.  She talks about seeing the blessings in our trials.  It is a very inspiring interview found here: http://www.newreleasetoday.com/article.php?article_id=551

I believe the message of this song.  I believe that God is always blessing our lives and that when things are hard, He is still there.  I know that above all, God is a loving father that desires to bless and help His children.  I know that He is blessing and helping me.  I would have never have chosen to experience such poor health over that past year and a half, but I would never trade all of the blessings that have come through this trial.  I know that God's ways are higher than my ways and He has a perfect plan.

Run with patience

 I am always impressed by endurance athletes.  It is inspiring to watch a cyclist, swimmer or runner that goes incredible distances.  These athletes work hard and they don't quit until they reach the finish line.

One of my favorite stories is that of endurance swimmer Florence Chadwick.  She set many records, including being the first woman to swim the English Channel both ways.  She had more attempts than successes and is an inspiring example of never giving up.

In 1952, she attempted to become the first woman to swim from Catalina Island to the California coast.  After almost 16 hours of swimming in dense fog she asked to be pulled out of the water.  She was only half a mile from the shore and despite the fact that those in her support boats kept telling she was close, she couldn't see the end and she quit.

She told a reporter, "Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land, I could have made it."

This was a woman who knew that the only way to accomplish greatness was to try after failing, so she attempted the same swim two months later and broke records by swimming it in less than 14 hours. The fog was just as dense, but this time she made it to her goal.  This time she believed that she could accomplish her goals and didn't let the fog convince her otherwise.

As much as I enjoy watching other people race, I've never been inclined to participate myself.  I've never had a desire to be an endurance athlete but I have been asked to endure in this life.

We are all asked to be endurance athletes in the race of life.

Some parts of the race are easier to endure than others.  Sometime the fog is so thick that we are convinced that there is no end to our hardships. Some days I feel like I am improving and moving forward in this race, but other days I feel like I am regressing.  It is so discouraging to feel that even when I am working hard to improve and move forward, some days I barely have the energy to put one foot in front of the other.

My health can be such a discouragement sometimes. Some days I wake up feeling alert and refreshed, but other days I wake up feeling like my body is full of lead and my mind is in a haze. Some days I feel content to spend hours a day resting; accomplishing small things, listening to audio books, working on my laptop, talking with my kids.  But other days I feel frustrated with being confined to this prison of a body.  I want to get up and perform any one of the tasks that I used to be able to do without thinking.  Those tasks that were once simple now feel like running a marathon: exhausting and far out of reach.

On those bad days I think I can learn from endurance athletes like Florence Chadwick.  I think that the only answer is to keep trying.  Each day that we are given to live on this earth is a gift.  Each day, no matter how hard the race is before us, we can choose to focus on the difficulty or we can choose to put a smile on our face.

In the New Testament, Paul encourages us to "Run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith." (Hebrews 12: 1-2)

I think God just wants us to keep trying.  I believe that he wants us to put one foot in front of the other every day.  The beauty of this life is that He hasn't asked us to run the race alone.  Jesus Christ is beside us.  Christ will help us when we stumble and help us when we feel like we can't go any further.

The trick in this race of life is to not get too discouraged when we are surrounded by fog.  Usually, we are closer to the shore than we realize and the sun is never far from breaking through the fog.  There are always silver linings of hope.

Inner Strength

From November 2015:

"I'm trying to go outside each day that the weather permits.  It takes so much energy for me to leave the house, that I started to realize that I was never getting any fresh air.
It's good for my mind, soul and spirit to be outside more frequently.
I've been enjoying going on my back patio, laying in a lounge chair and enjoying this beautiful world.

The other day a storm was blowing in and I huddled under a blanket on my lounge chair trying to brave the weather.  I only made it ten minutes,but it still felt good to feel the wind on my face and watch the clouds blowing in the sky.
I watched a leaf blowing around.  I never saw it land.  It kept blowing wherever the wind took it.  I looked at the tree the leaf came from.

I am glad that I am more like the tree than the leaf.
I have roots and branches.  I am strong.  I don't have to be blown around by the stormy winds.
Right now, I look a bit like that tree.  It is missing most of it's leaves and is a little barren.  There will be a long winter ahead for that tree; lots of harsh weather: wind, snow, ice. There won't be very much sun.

But this tree was made to handle the winters of  life.  This tree can hunker down and focus on survival.
The tree will use its resources and stores to survive during the harsh winter.
It won't give shade to others during the winter.  It won't be as beautiful to look upon as it is during the spring, summer and early fall.  But it will survive and come back more beautiful and stronger than before.

This tree has lost branches before during severe 80mile/hour winds.  But now you can hardly notice because it is still strong and beautiful even with it is missing branches.

Trees are amazing and so are people.
God created both trees and people to withstand hard times.  They can both survive the winters and come back triumphant, beautiful and stronger.

There is always a springtime to look forward to with an eye of faith.
 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13"

The Infinite Power of Hope

Silver Linings

A few years ago, during an especially stressful time in my life, I was on a plane leaving Seattle, Washington.  It was my first visit to Seattle and I had fallen in love with everything about the emerald city.

I loved the good food, the welcoming, friendly people we met and the beautiful sites we saw. I loved the drizzly, rainy days and the cool January air.  I loved that my hair could just be a frizzy, wavy, unkempt thing in all of that moisture!
As the plane took off, the sky was thick with rain clouds, but something amazing happened as the plane ascended into the heavens.  As soon as the plane was above the clouds, there was a bright warm sun!  I've been in planes before and I've always known that there is sun above the rain clouds, but the contrast this time really impacted me.  

I was feeling the warmth of the sun through the window and thinking how chilly I had been down on the ground.  I couldn't help but snap a picture on my phone as I looked in awe at the extreme difference that my perspective had made.  

That got me thinking about my perspective compared to God's perspective.  When I am in the middle of a difficult, stressful time in my life, all I can see is the dark rain clouds of my problems.  I feel frustrated and discouraged that I can't see an end to the problem I am struggling with.  But in reality, there is sun on the other side of the clouds.

There is hope on the other side of my struggles.  And not only can I look forward with hope that there will be sunny days ahead for me, I can also look for the sun during the storms.

When I was thinking of a name for this blog, I knew that I wanted it to represent the hope that I have felt during difficult times.  I want to share that hope because this life is hard and we can all use a reminder that there is reason to hope.

I thought of the hopeful phrase, "Every cloud has a silver lining."  What makes the silver lining around the cloud?  It is the sun shining on the other side.  Even if we can't see the sun, it can cast a silver lining on those storm clouds.

When I think of the sun, I also think of the Son of God.  He is the reason we can always find hope.  He is the way, the truth and the light.  When I have a hard time feeling that hope, (and in the past year and a half I have had more of those days than ever before in my life) I can pray and ask my loving Heavenly Father to fill me with that hope.  The amazing thing is, it really is that simple.
It is okay if we don't feel hope, we can ask for that hope and it can be given to us.  I have tried this over and over again and it really works.

No matter how thick the storm clouds are, the sun is always there and so is the Son.