Sometimes its okay to cry

Sometimes I need to give myself permission to be sad. Sometimes I need to mourn. Sometimes I need to be able to mourn the fact that I am not able to do the things that I wish I could. Sometimes I need to be able to mourn that I am not the wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister that I wish I was. Sometimes I need to mourn the life that I used to enjoy. Sometimes I just need to cry.

When I let myself cry, the sobbing comes from a deep place inside of me. I have learned that when those feelings surface, I just need to let them be felt so I can release them. I've learned that if I try to deny those strong feelings of mourning, there is damn of emotion that builds up and when it bursts it isn't pretty.

I allow the mourning to come when I am alone, because the last thing I want is for anybody to see me cry. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or worse to think I feel sorry for myself. Because I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel grateful to be alive. I feel grateful for all of the health that I do enjoy. Being sick has made me appreciate things that I never appreciated before. I appreciate being able to walk down the stairs because of the many days that I do not have the strength to walk them. I appreciate being able to cook my family a simple meal because of all of the times that I don't have the energy to cook. I appreciate being surrounded by so many people that are been willing to bear my burdens with me. I appreciate a loving Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ more than I ever because I finally realize how dependent I am on their mercy.

After I let myself weep, I feel refreshed. I feel like a green meadow after a summer storm has passed. I feel renewed and ready to move forward. I used to beat myself up over feeling so sad. I would try to control the sadness, turn it into gratitude. And while I am definitely a proponent of putting on a smile and moving forward, I have learned that sometimes the best way to put on a smile and move forward, is to stop for a minute, have a good cry and then pick myself up and keep walking.

As we learn in Ecclesiastes 3-

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

We need to take the bad with the good. We need to take the happy with the sad. It's wonderful to laugh, but sometimes it's okay to cry.